Again I am writing without knowing what I intend to write about. My musings , my ramblings... call it whatever. Had a hellish sort of week. Was in my lowest ebb.Well again those who know me will feel that since I am complaining of feeling low almost for a couple of years now,in that what is the lowest ebb? Even I don't know.
This was a week of a lot of learning. That is my positive way of looking at things.
A week when I found out that your gods have feet of clay. When I found out that some values in today's world should be searched for in books not in people. When I found out that at times you can be condoned murder but at times your minutest mistakes are enough reason for your crucification. When I found out that probably your greatest mistake in your relationships is that you are always available for people you love.
So learnt a lot. Regretted alot. Thought about a lot of "what ifs". What if i had done this? What if i had said this to him? What if i hadn't said this to him/her?
Also retrospected on me and my life. Saw my strengths turning into my weakness. How did it happen? When did it happen?
Anyone who reads my blog(not many do that) would feel that I am very morose , very pessimistic person. But at one time I used to be optimistic, full of laughter, full of happiness. Sometimes i wonder what happened to that person. Perhaps I lost her somewhere....or perhaps that person was never there? That was just a facade ...that optimism just a veneer which rubbed off with time..leaving this unhappy pessimist exposed.
Hope things improve now or at least I improve my way of looking at them. Read sometime back that happiness lies within us. We are just fools trying to search it around. Probably it's true. So hope to search this elusive happiness. Hoping to get a control over life...my life.
